In All But Name
by BlackFox12
Summary: During the first years of their relationship, Edward and Carlisle don’t always see eye to eye, and after one argument, Edward leaves to follow his own path


**In All But Name**

**Disclaimer:** We don't own anything from Twilight and we're not making any money from this fic

**Authors:** BlackFox12 and Achilles Heel

**Summary:** During the first years of their relationship, Edward and Carlisle don't always see eye to eye, and after one argument, Edward leaves to follow his own path

**Warning(s):** Spanking; spoilers; mentions of violence

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Though his medical work normally succeeded in distracting him at the very least--if not enabling him to relax--Carlisle was finding it difficult to truly focus on the patient in front of him. As much as he tried to concentrate, his mind kept turning to the argument he'd had with Edward. Edward... who was just like a wilful child. And, of course, that was what he was; at least compared to Carlisle. And yet again, Carlisle found himself wondering if he'd made the right decision--to save someone's life, even if it was at the cost of the person becoming what most named demon.

Even though he'd told Edward that he could leave if he wanted--provided he informed Carlisle of his decision – the vampire still couldn't help wondering if he should have used force to make Edward stay with him. All good intentions aside... It had taken Carlisle a very long time to be able to be around bleeding patients without running the risk of losing control of himself. And it had taken everything he had not to kill Edward instead of turning him... And now, he was dealing with the knowledge that he could well have unleashed a monster on the world.

With Edward off on his own without anyone to guide him, Carlisle was now left with only himself, his patients, and his endless worries.

He finished sewing up his patient's wound and turned to clean his hands with a sigh.

So many 'what ifs's and 'could have been's; maybe it was time he actually did something to prevent his fears from becoming reality.

Carlisle blinked, wondering where that thought had come from. Even as he wondered, he realized that if he were to save Edward from himself, he would have to take action. With that realization came an immediate picture; a sudden thought of just what exactly he would have to do to get Edward's attention.

But how? Even with his new plan, how could he save someone who didn't want to be saved? Could he do that without pushing Edward away? Add that to the fact that finding him would be hard enough, never mind trying to drag him back… His realization was looking less likely to happen by the minute. Maybe it would be better if he just left Edward to his own devices for the next decade or so, but always be available if he needed him.

Carlisle sighed again, his conflicted feelings threatening to bring on a headache. Rubbing his temples lightly, he moved to mix an herbal remedy for his patient. Perhaps what Edward really needed most right now was time.

And, of course, Carlisle prided himself on being able to keep a clear head always; no matter what the situation. He regretted the few times he had lost control, but only in regards to the needless lives lost. Every mistake he had made had brought him closer to being able to do the work he loved without worrying about the bloodlust becoming too strong for him to handle. If nothing else, the colour of his eyes was proof of that.

But there had been other vampires who saw the colour of his eyes--and the fact that he refused to feed on humans--as a sign of weakness. He'd had to face several before the Volturi had finally chosen to step in and let him live peacefully and how he chose. And now, Carlisle couldn't help worrying that others would treat Edward in the same way; especially since any vampire would be able to tell that Edward was young compared to most of them.

Still... there wasn't much that Carlisle could do; other than wait and worry about the vampire he had come to think of as his son. He resolved to send messages to the contacts he had, asking them to give Edward a simple message if they happened to see him – or if he needed to come to them for aid.

And he was simply going to tell them to ask Edward to come home; and not mention exactly what he resolved to do.

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Grimacing, Edward leaned back on his heels; swiping a hand across his bloody mouth.

He'd been tracking this loathsome scum for three days before he had finally cornered him in a quiet, deserted alley. The mousy, sneering curmudgeon had murdered a family of three, butchering them heartlessly. A quick death like the one Edward had dealt him was too good for such a piece of filth.

Edward grimaced again, turning to the side to spit on the ground. With such a black heart, it was no wonder that scum's blood had tasted so foul.

He had been travelling around the continent for more than a year now, hunting down and killing men such as this. By hunting this kind of low-life, he accomplished two things: one, clearing the streets of murderers and rapists; and two, satisfying his hunger and lust for human blood.

He winced instinctively at that thought. How could he have been reduced to this? It seemed like just yesterday that he was sitting in front of Carlisle, newly changed, trying to understand the quiet doctor's reasons for fighting against what came so naturally to others of their kind.

And here he was, a mere decade later, going against everything his mentor had fought to teach him--against everything _he_ had fought to preserve and live up to.

Catching sight of his face in a puddle on the ground, he stared, transfixed. Blood red eyes glared back at him from a pale, gaunt face--eyes that bore accusingly into his very soul; eyes that, in once glance, seemed to convey, 'What have you _done_?'

He tore his gaze away with difficulty, disgusted with himself. He'd managed to more or less avoid thinking about what he'd been doing--up until now, anyway. He was starting to see himself through Carlisle's eyes; and he could well imagine how disappointed the other vampire would be with him.

A part of Edward wanted to go back to the doctor, even if it meant facing Carlisle's disappointment. He didn't just think of Carlisle as a mentor--a part of Edward saw him as his father. Not just because Carlisle had turned him--but because he'd done more than that. When the bloodlust had threatened to overwhelm him, Carlisle had been there; for the entire first year of him being a newborn. And since then... Whenever he'd needed him, Carlisle had never been far away.

Was he really prepared to turn his back on all that? And even if Carlisle _was_ disgusted with him, and never wanted to see him again... Surely Edward still owed it to him to return and try to explain. The last words he had spoken to Carlisle still rang in his head, and he flinched and closed his eyes.

Edward's ability to read minds had ensured that he knew the most hurtful things he could say to Carlisle in an argument.

"_So, what," he sneered, "you're trying to be my _father_ now? Trying to show me how much you _care_, and trying to take charge over my life? You will never be my father; you will never be _anything _to me."_

Over a decade later, even just the memory of those hurtful words was enough to make him wince in remembrance of Carlisle's pain-filled stare.

Now, imagining Carlisle's reaction if he were to return, his mind warped the last memory of his mentor's face into an expression of disgust and horror--horror over what he had done; horror over how far he had fallen. It was almost more than he could bear.

And yet… he knew that if he didn't go back now, he never would. Now was his chance to make things right, and even if it were to end badly, he could at least go back out on his own, knowing that at least he had tried.

With a resigned sigh, Edward stood up from his frozen position, glancing about to see if anyone had come by and seen him in his weakened state.

Satisfied that he was still alone, he began the draining task of cleaning up after his hunt. This was always the hardest part--having to find somewhere to hide the body, and find a way to clean up the blood spatters from both himself and the ground. The less people asked questions, the longer he could continue his 'cleansing' of the streets in peace.

A small voice murmured in the back of his mind: _"What makes you think that Carlisle will let you return to this violent life, one that goes against all of your _former _morals and beliefs? Do you really think he won't capture you and forbid you to leave upon your return? Don't you know that he loves you that much?"_

He made an effort to push that thought away, trying instead to concentrate on his cleanup; ignoring the renewed guilt that flowed through him at that muttered sentence.

And when the cleanup was finally finished, Edward knew that he'd come to a decision. He'd decided that he was going to go back and face Carlisle. It had been wrong to just leave like that--and even if Carlisle never wanted to see him again, Edward knew he didn't have much of a choice.

He just hoped, with everything he had, that he'd be able to put things right.

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Carlisle washed his bloodied hands in the river. He didn't have to walk so far to find somewhere to clean himself up, but since his house was so near to the outskirts of the town, he found the walk calming. And there was little chance of running into humans, who would be scared of the blood on his hands, even knowing that he was the doctor.

And since he was pretending to be human, he couldn't let them know that the only discomfort from the blood on his hands came from the bloodlust that inevitably rose in him.

Carlisle was so caught up in his thoughts that he was quite close to his house before he realised the presence of another vampire. He breathed in deeply--but he didn't need the scent to recognise Edward, who stood in front of the door with his head lowered as he apparently tried to get up the courage to knock.

He stared at him for a moment in shock. It was as if Edward had heard his thoughts from across the world, and returned home at their command.

Carlisle felt a sense of determination wash over him, and he let himself be caught up in it. Now was his chance to go through with his plan. Hopefully, he would be able to get through to Edward with it; if not… Well, he refused to think of what could happen. Now was the time to act, not think of the 'what if's.

He walked over to where Edward stood still debating whether or not to enter. As he neared, Edward spun around, a look of shock on his face. Carlisle briefly wondered if he had caught the last thought to pass through his mind. Hmmm, he would have to watch for that; if Edward were to catch even the slightest hint of what he had planned, it wouldn't work.

--

"Carlisle, I…" Edward cut himself off, crinkling his brow in frustration and guilt. What could he say to make it all right? He had no doubt that Carlisle knew every move he had made in the past decade; he had most likely posted a few people to follow him around and track his movements and actions.

The question was, did he know about his new eating habits, and what did he think about them?

"Edward..." For a brief moment, Carlisle looked surprised by his presence – but that surprise was quickly gone.

It occurred to Edward that Carlisle was keeping a tighter rein on his thoughts than usual, but Edward could hardly blame him. Edward had a sudden flash of how he must look to the doctor, with his eyes the colour of a vampire feeding on human blood. Various excuses--explanations--went through his head; but none of them would rise to his lips.

Carlisle shook his head slightly, and Edward thought he could see a trace of sadness in his eyes. "Shall we go inside?"

Studying Carlisle anxiously, Edward tried to guess what the doctor might be thinking from the look on his face. The control over his thoughts made Edward nervous... But did he have the right to protest? Maybe Carlisle had already decided what he was going to do, and was just keeping the decision away from Edward. He hoped fervently that the vampire he'd come to see as a father wouldn't turn him away, even if he knew that was what he'd deserved.

Wordlessly, Edward stepped aside as Carlisle moved to unlock the door. Though there was hardly anything worth stealing inside the house, Edward knew how important it was for them to fit in--something that he would no longer be able to do, with his eyes the colour they were now.

Watching Carlisle slowly—silently--move to the living area of the house, Edward swallowed back all the questions and excuses on his tongue. He was beginning to feel nervous; why wouldn't Carlisle say something? Was this his way of punishing him? Punishing him by silence and cold rejection? If that were so, maybe it would be better for him to hurry it along. No need to prolong this icy pain any longer than necessary, no matter how much he may deserve it. Better to get it over with quickly, like pulling off a band-aid.

"Carlisle…" When Carlisle didn't even turn around, Edward withheld a wince of inward pain, and gallantly continued.

"Carlisle, if you want me to leave; to never come back and never darken your doorstep again, please just tell me! I think-" He swallowed again. "No, I know I deserve it, but please, please think of some other way to punish me other than this; I don't think I can stand a minute more of your silence. Please, just… just put me out of my misery."

With nothing left to say, Edward looked away, unable to stare at his mentor any longer.

--

Carlisle whipped his head around in shock. Was that what Edward thought--that he was going to just brush him away? Throw him out, after everything he had done to save him? After the painstaking time spent proving to him that he cared, that he loved him, and that they were in this together? Did he truly believe that he would forget all of that over one mistake, however large or horrible it may be? If that were the case, then it seemed he would have to change this part of his plan.

"Edward." Where words failed, actions communicated loud and clear. Moving too quickly for the human eye to see, he grabbed Edward into a tight, normal-human-rib-cracking hug. "I would never do that to you; never." He could feel Edward shaking, suppressing silent tears that would never fall.

He held on to him tightly, trying to show that he would never let go. Edward clung to him just as tightly, clutching onto him like a drowning man. He didn't know how long they stood there--it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, it could have been days. Carlisle only knew that this was a vital step in the process of bringing Edward back for good.

Finally, after a long moment had passed, Carlisle let go of Edward gently and held him in front of him so that he could look into his face.

"Edward, look at me." When Edward continued to look away, he gently brought a hand under his chin and tilted his face upwards.

"Listen to me clearly, for I do not want to have to say this again. I will never, _ever_ turn you away. Yes, you have done horrible things; yes, I am disappointed; and yes, you _will_ be punished--but I will never turn you away."

Seeing the upturned face trembling with emotion, Carlisle decided that now was the time to execute step two of his plan.

--

For a moment or two, Edward didn't register anything apart from the tight embrace and Carlisle's insistence that he wasn't going to turn him away. Almost trembling with relief, Edward thought that he could handle any punishment that Carlisle chose to give out, if only the other would be able to forgive him.

All too soon, however, Carlisle released Edward from the embrace, and took hold of his wrist. The one stray thought that Edward caught from his mentor had him tensing; almost about to pull away from the hand that held him.

In the process of leading Edward towards one of the chairs, Carlisle glanced at him. "Tell me you don't think you deserve this."

For several moments, their gazes were locked together. Edward was the first to look away, as fear warred with an intense desire to make things right between him and Carlisle. Finally, he lowered his head in a slight nod. If Carlisle really thought that he deserved this... Well, he wasn't going to run away again.

Seating himself, Carlisle drew Edward in front of him and, without a word, pulled his trousers down to his ankles. They were quickly followed by his underwear, and then--in one swift move--Carlisle had Edward settled across his knees, one hand resting lightly on his bared bottom. "Tell me... What is this punishment for?"

"For… disappointing you?" It came out as a question almost involuntarily. Edward stifled the urge to shift in discomfort. This was most certainly not something he had been considering when he had thought that he could take any punishment Carlisle could dish out.

"No Edward, I am not doing this because you disappointed me; try again." The hand resting on his backside increased its pressure fractionally in warning. Edward swallowed uncomfortably.

"Because… because… I went against your teachings? Because I… because…" The words just wouldn't come. Deep down, Edward knew the real reason he was in this… unnatural position, but he couldn't bring himself to admit, never mind say the words out loud and make them a reality.

He heard Carlisle sigh a split second before he felt a something hard and uncompromising crash painfully on his right cheek. He inhaled sharply; Carlisle certainly wasn't holding back. This was going to be a lot more painful than he had imagined it would be.

He winced as two more smacks landed unerringly on his left cheek before switching to his right and moving down quickly, allowing him barely enough of a pause to catch his breath.

"I know you can do better than that, Edward. You are not an idiot; far from it, in fact. I want to you to think your answer over carefully. This will continue for as long as I think it should, but finding the answer will make this much easier for you." This was followed by three swift swats, the last of the three cracking painfully against the sensitive patch of skin where bottom met thigh.

The unforgiving barrage continued on his hapless backside, each smack turning his unnaturally pale skin a darker shade of pink. Edward was beginning to find it hard to control his breathing, much less be thinking on what exactly had landed him here. With each swat, he felt as if a searing iron were being pressed against his backside, turning his butt into a raging, stinging inferno.

"Edward…"

The tone of Carlisle's voice was all the warning he got before the most painful swats of all landed on top of his thighs and moved up to his sit spots. He tried to keep silent, but couldn't help letting out a strangled yelp. This was not good; this wasn't good at all. Unable to help himself, Edward started squirming. "Please... I can't think like this!" he got out frantically.

Thankfully, the hard swats paused, giving Edward time to pull himself back from the brink. He cast around inside his mind, trying desperately to come up with the answer that Carlisle wanted.

"I can do this all day."

A much harder swat landed, and Edward winced. The pain--even with vampires' fast healing--was too intense to bear. "Carlisle, I..." He swallowed hard; and felt tears prick at his eyes. "I left you," he offered finally. "I ran away, even though I'd promised not to. And..." He hesitated, but the words--now that he'd finally found them--were threatening to come flooding out. "I went against my nature. Not just what you taught me--I know that feeding on humans is wrong."

"And…?" Another set of hard swats landed on the hitherto mostly ignored thighs, staining them a bright shade of red and leaving an almost unbearable pain.

"I-" Edward swallowed again, letting out a muffled yell as two swats landed virtually on top of the other. He scrambled to get the words out, if only to stop this seemingly endless punishment. "-I let myself down, I let you down, and-I-I-didn't think, I didn't listen! I failed..."

"You did not fail." Carlisle was as calm as ever, but there was a sharp edge to it. A few extra hard swats landed on Edward's thighs and his sit spots. "You made a mistake, and you are being punished for it. But you have never failed, and I don't want to catch you _ever_ thinking like that again."

Giving in to the urge to cry, Edward collapsed on Carlisle's lap in a shaking, boneless heap, his shoulders quivering from the force of his sobs. As if from far away, he felt someone gently take his shoulders pull him upwards into a hug, enfolding him in a warm embrace. He fell into it willingly, letting all his suppressed emotions drain out with his tearless cries.

--

Carlisle sighed lightly when he felt Edward give in and just sob. This reaction made him even more convinced that he'd chosen the correct form of punishment, and he pulled Edward up into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around the other's form and closing his eyes in relief when Edward just fell into the embrace.

Time seemed to slow down as Carlisle sat there, holding Edward close to him. When he finally felt the sobs begin to slow a little in intensity, he tipped the other's chin up so that Edward was forced to look at him.

"I'd like you to apologise to Esme," he said, "and take whatever punishment she sees fit to give you."

For a moment it looked like Edward might argue, but then he got a tired, resigned look in his eyes, and he simply nodded. Carlisle let go of his chin then and pulled him back into a hug.

They would talk about Edward's wanderings and his new eating habits later. For now, they needed this time to re-bond as mentor and student.... as father and son.

**The End**


End file.
